Boom: "Jesus, Take the Wheel!"

Here is a testimony from Boom, a fellow CCF member. I just found this over the CCF website and it spoke directly to my heart.

As the youngest of a family of ten, I learned to be independent and self-reliant very early on in my life. I grew up thinking “if it has to be, then it is up to me”. I thought if I want to make something of my life, I have to take control of my own life and destiny. I did not know that my heart was slowly hardening. Outwardly, I thought I was okay life but inwardly I was full of resentment and pride. Pride led me to think that everything I am and everything I had was all because of the choices I made. It was all about me.

The thing with having pride is that everybody else can see everything wrong about you except you. It was so hard for me to accept correction because of pride. I would be rude to people if they didn’t meet my high standards. I would lash out at people if things do not go according to my plan. There would be moments of regret, but I could not help myself. I thought that since I was the one in control, things will never go wrong, but I was proven wrong. I was brought to my knees thru an experience that made me realize that I am not in control and cannot ever be in control.

A fire gutted everything I had accumulated over the years and reduced the house that I was living in down to ashes. I felt stripped bare of everything I have. I lost my home, and being the proud person that I was, I found it hard to ask help from family and friends. I questioned God and even had the temerity to tell Him that I have always lived my life always doing the right thing. I thought I was good, but why did He allow this to happen? There were so many questions in my head, I felt aimless and confused.

I was in this state when a friend from the office invited me to a Sunday worship service at CCF. Even then, pride issues kept cropping up and this time it was spiritual pride. I thought to myself, “I have lived my life believing in my God, I pray occasionally, I do things that any self proclaimed Christian does, is there anything new to learn?” I eventually went and with just a song in one CCF Sunday Service I attended, I found myself weeping. After this initial encounter, I found myself having a hunger to really know who God is. This hunger was so unquenchable that I went to every retreat, bible study, Sunday worship that I can get a hold of. I thought I surrendered my life to God but why was I struggling with control issues still? Didn’t He say, “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”? I found myself trying so hard to wrestle the steering wheel of my life from the Lord. The more I did this the more it wore me out. I did not have peace within my soul and I certainly was not bearing the fruit of the Spirit in my life. I was frustrated with the prayers that were left unanswered and deep inside resentment was building up again. The Lord soon made me realize that I initially came to God with a personal agenda. But God is faithful.

Little by little the Lord brought me to a point that I would learn total dependence on Him. Jesus’ word in John 15:5,“apart from me, you can do nothing“, resonated so loud and clear. At a retreat I attended, the Lord spoke to my heart and made me realize that He is after my transformation first and foremost. This time, I totally surrendered my life to God and asked Jesus to be my Lord, my Savior and be the master of my life. I ceded full control and offered my life to Him.

I gave up my self-made plans one by one. Plans to live abroad and be on my own away from my family. Potential relationships that I know will hinder the growth of my relationship with my Lord. I decided to end a flourishing career with all its benefits, to start a business that has become my ministry. The Lord patiently spoke to my heart to surrender my all to Him and pursue His will, and He encouraged me to take a leap of faith.

This time, I really leapt. I leapt high and I did not mind where or how I would fall. This time, my personal agenda did not matter anymore. Nothing was more important to me than pleasing our Lord Jesus who loved me so much that there was nothing He was willing to withhold from me, even His very life.

I realized pursuing God’s will is never easy. Contrary to my thinking before that when we give our lives to the Lord, our lives will become a bed of roses. Romans 8:29 says, “For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son”… I learned God’s purpose in our lives is to make us like His Son Jesus. The Lord may not give us comfort for comfort’s sake but He is more concerned that we will mirror the image of His son Jesus. Today, I am still learning how it is to depend on Him, for His provisions, guidance, strength, grace, mercy and wisdom. From a life lived for myself and led by my controlling nature, I have now learned that I cannot live without the Lord. You can take away anything from me and I will be okay but take the Lord from me and I will be reduced to nothing.

I am Boom Mangoba, a committed follower of Jesus Christ!