have Your way

Father in heaven, have Your way in my heart and remove anything that displeases You. Help me to clearly hear Your voice and walk in Your ways. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

with anguish and many tears

From the second letter of apostle Paul to the Corinthians:

I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you. 2 Cor 2:4

Imagine Paul in prison or in one his many transits to visit churches in Asia and Europe. His journey was not easy, his burden wasn't light. In many occassions Paul had to be flogged and humiliated by those who refused his teachings, THE SAME teachings many prophets wrote about and prophesied centuries before him. And yet he pressed on towards his goal, he continued and remained faithful. In order that those who haven't heard might hear the good news of Christ's coming.

I am Yours

by Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Boom: "Jesus, Take the Wheel!"

Here is a testimony from Boom, a fellow CCF member. I just found this over the CCF website and it spoke directly to my heart.

As the youngest of a family of ten, I learned to be independent and self-reliant very early on in my life. I grew up thinking “if it has to be, then it is up to me”. I thought if I want to make something of my life, I have to take control of my own life and destiny. I did not know that my heart was slowly hardening. Outwardly, I thought I was okay life but inwardly I was full of resentment and pride. Pride led me to think that everything I am and everything I had was all because of the choices I made. It was all about me.

The thing with having pride is that everybody else can see everything wrong about you except you. It was so hard for me to accept correction because of pride. I would be rude to people if they didn’t meet my high standards. I would lash out at people if things do not go according to my plan. There would be moments of regret, but I could not help myself. I thought that since I was the one in control, things will never go wrong, but I was proven wrong. I was brought to my knees thru an experience that made me realize that I am not in control and cannot ever be in control.

A fire gutted everything I had accumulated over the years and reduced the house that I was living in down to ashes. I felt stripped bare of everything I have. I lost my home, and being the proud person that I was, I found it hard to ask help from family and friends. I questioned God and even had the temerity to tell Him that I have always lived my life always doing the right thing. I thought I was good, but why did He allow this to happen? There were so many questions in my head, I felt aimless and confused.

I was in this state when a friend from the office invited me to a Sunday worship service at CCF. Even then, pride issues kept cropping up and this time it was spiritual pride. I thought to myself, “I have lived my life believing in my God, I pray occasionally, I do things that any self proclaimed Christian does, is there anything new to learn?” I eventually went and with just a song in one CCF Sunday Service I attended, I found myself weeping. After this initial encounter, I found myself having a hunger to really know who God is. This hunger was so unquenchable that I went to every retreat, bible study, Sunday worship that I can get a hold of. I thought I surrendered my life to God but why was I struggling with control issues still? Didn’t He say, “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”? I found myself trying so hard to wrestle the steering wheel of my life from the Lord. The more I did this the more it wore me out. I did not have peace within my soul and I certainly was not bearing the fruit of the Spirit in my life. I was frustrated with the prayers that were left unanswered and deep inside resentment was building up again. The Lord soon made me realize that I initially came to God with a personal agenda. But God is faithful.

Little by little the Lord brought me to a point that I would learn total dependence on Him. Jesus’ word in John 15:5,“apart from me, you can do nothing“, resonated so loud and clear. At a retreat I attended, the Lord spoke to my heart and made me realize that He is after my transformation first and foremost. This time, I totally surrendered my life to God and asked Jesus to be my Lord, my Savior and be the master of my life. I ceded full control and offered my life to Him.

I gave up my self-made plans one by one. Plans to live abroad and be on my own away from my family. Potential relationships that I know will hinder the growth of my relationship with my Lord. I decided to end a flourishing career with all its benefits, to start a business that has become my ministry. The Lord patiently spoke to my heart to surrender my all to Him and pursue His will, and He encouraged me to take a leap of faith.

This time, I really leapt. I leapt high and I did not mind where or how I would fall. This time, my personal agenda did not matter anymore. Nothing was more important to me than pleasing our Lord Jesus who loved me so much that there was nothing He was willing to withhold from me, even His very life.

I realized pursuing God’s will is never easy. Contrary to my thinking before that when we give our lives to the Lord, our lives will become a bed of roses. Romans 8:29 says, “For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son”… I learned God’s purpose in our lives is to make us like His Son Jesus. The Lord may not give us comfort for comfort’s sake but He is more concerned that we will mirror the image of His son Jesus. Today, I am still learning how it is to depend on Him, for His provisions, guidance, strength, grace, mercy and wisdom. From a life lived for myself and led by my controlling nature, I have now learned that I cannot live without the Lord. You can take away anything from me and I will be okay but take the Lord from me and I will be reduced to nothing.

I am Boom Mangoba, a committed follower of Jesus Christ!

blessings & burdens

Blessings: clearance with the Accenture laptop; friends at work who encourage me with their good works and kind words; financial blessings. God has impressed in my heart His desire for me to share the good news of salvation to JP, to Lorie. i am praying that God will keep me obedient and HELP ME to continue walking in HIM so that i will be unashamed of the word and will have confidence in being used by HIM.

Father, help me to be obedient. Cause my heart to recognize sin in its earliest beginnings and to HATE SIN more that i do today.

Burdens: my heart and mind feels lacking of the "complete" joy that the bible talks about and continues to struggle with sin; i still have anger towards my mom and im asking God to take that away from me and humble me.

1 John 2:28

And now dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.

prayer

Father, i pray that you would cause my heart to love you more, to want the things that are from you. I pray that you will guide my path and help me walk in the light, as you yourself is in the light. Help me to turn back from my old self. Father, i want more of You and less of me. Help me to repent and turn away from my sins. I pray for strength, Father. I pray that you will cause my mind and my heart to dwell on the things that are from you, that which will please you. Capture my heart once more and teach me to walk in truth. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen